A piece of pure wisdom

I just want to share a beautiful piece of wisdom, found on the new Nightwish album Imaginaerum. So, it's not written by me, it's by the great composer Tuomas Holopainen. Noone will probably read it, but it has great great value to me. I will write about wisdom soon, what is it anyway?

[1. From A Dusty Bookshelf]

[2. All That Great Heart Lying Still]

The nightingale is still locked in the cage
The deep breath I took still poisons my lungs
An old oak sheltering me from the blue
Sun bathing on it's dead frozen leaves

A catnap in the ghost town of my heart
She dreams of storytime and the river ghosts
Of mermaids, of Whitman's and the rude
Raving harlequins, gigantic toys

A song of measong in need
Of a courageous symphony
A verse of mea verse in need
Of a ppure-heart singing me to peace

All that great heart lying still and slowly dying
All that great heart lying still on an angelwing

All that great heart lying still
In silent suffering
Smiling like a clown until the show has come to an end
What is left for encore
Is the same old dead boy's song
Sung in silence
All that great heart lying still and slowly dying
All that great heart lying still on an angelwing

A midnight flight into Covington Woods
A princess and a panther by m side
These are Territories I live for
I'd still give mt everything to love you more

[3. Piano Black]

A silent symphony
A hollow opus #1, 2, 3

Sometimes the sky is piano black
Piano black over cleansing waters

Resting pipes, verse of bore
Rusting keys without a door

Sometimes the within is piano black
Piano black over cleansing waters

All that great heart lying still and slowly dying
All that great heart lying still on an angelwing

[4. Love]
I see a slow, simple youngster by a busy street,
With a begging bowl in his shaking hand.
Trying to smile but hurting infinitely. Nobody notices.
I do, but walk by.

An old man gets naked and kisses a model-doll in his attic
It's half-light and he's in tears.
When he finally comes his eyes are cascading.

I see a beaten dog in a pungent alley. He tries to bite me.
All pride has left his wild eyes.
I wish I had my leg to spare.

A mother visits her son, smiles to him through the bars.
She's never loved him more.

An obese girl enters an elevator with me.
All dressed up fancy, a green butterfly on her neck.
Terribly sweeet perfume deafens me.
She's going to dinner alone.
That makes her even more beautiful.

I see a model's face on a brick wall.
A statue of porcelain perfection beside a violent city kill.
A city that worships flesh.
The first thing I ever heard was a wandering
Man telling his story
It was you, the grass under my bare feet
The campfire in the dead of night
The heavenly black of sky and sea

It was us
Roaming the rainy roads, combing the guilded beaches
Waking up to a new gallery of wonders every morn
Bathing in places no-one's seen before
Shipwrecked on some matt-painted island
Clad in nothing but the surf - beauty's finest robe

Beyond all mortality we are, swinging in the breath of nature
In early air of the dawn of life
A sight to silence the heavens

I want to travel where life travels,
Following it's permanent lead
Where the air tastes like snow music
Where grass smells like fresh-born Eden
I would pass no man, no stranger, no tragedy or rapture
I would bathe in a world of sensation
Love, goodness and simplicity
(While violated and imprisoned by technology)

The thought of my family's graves was the only moment
I used to experience true love
That love remains infintie,
As I'll never be the man my father is

How can you "just be yourself"
When you don't know who you are?
Stop saying "I know how you feel"
How could anyone know how another feels?

Who am I to judge a priest, beggar,
Whore, politician, wrongdoer?
I am, you are, all of them already

Dear child, stop working, go play
Forget every rule
There's no fear in a dream

"Is there a village inside this snowflake?"
- a child asked me
"What's the colour of our lullaby?"

I've never been so close to truth as then
I touched it's silver lining

Death is the winner in any war
Nothing noble in dying for your religion
For your country
For ideology, for faith
For another man, yes

Paper is dead without words
Ink idle without a poem
All the world dead without stories
Without love and disarming beauty

Careless realism costs souls

Ever seen the Lord smile?
Allt he care for the world made Beautiful a sad man?
Why do we still carry a device of torture around our necks?
Oh, how rotten your pre-apocalypse is
All you bible-black fools living over nightmare ground

I see all those empty cradles and wonder
If man will never change

I, too, wish to be a decent manboy but all I am
Is smoke and mirrors
Still given everything, may I be deserving

And there forever remains the change from G to E minor

Love and fantasy,
May

Dream on

It's been a while since I blogged. A lot happened, good stuff mostly. But in this blog, the past isn't important. Since this blog will be about the future. I live in the here and the now pretty much all the time. I do what I think is good for my life, and what will make me happy. I started studying archaelogy 10 weeks ago, and I am really enjoying myself a lot. Me and my love live together in Deventer, and we are very happy. But I can't help to think about the future. I can't help but thinking about the time I finish studying, and having to work a regular job...

No matter how much I love archaeology, I'm simply not made to work a 9 to 5 job, and have people telling me what to do. I do not do well with authority at all. I need to be my own boss. You might say: 'Get a grip, everyone has to work, everyone has to make money.' But I will not allow my life to be led by 'have to-s'. I need my freedom. And I will not forfeit it for anything. I like being my own boss, I'm simply not a follower, but a leader.

So what do I do. Quit my studies and live on the streets? Nah, that's not my plan. What I want for the future is doing what I love to do. Waking up in the morning and doing something I really want to do at that time. I want to leave my mark on this earth (In a not idiot-monkey-poluting-way) Art, music, happiness. I'm thinking as I'm writing, and writing as I'm thinking. Because I know my goal, now it's time to figure out how to get there.

And that is why I will not quit my studies and forfeit everything I have. I know my destination, I need to find my path. It's like a big maze. You run into dead ends, things that don't work out the way you want them to. And you'll see really pretty spots. A big oak in the middle of the maze, like someone who will watch over you and guide you through the maze. I think life is the exact same thing. You meet people who inspire you, and you'll meet people who will dissapoint you. But all lead to that one goal.

But what is that goal? It's leading a happy and free life. Doing what I want. And being my own boss. For me doesn't consist of one thing. You don't have just one thing you like either, do you? So what I want right now:
I would love to work with horses. My own stables with 5 horses or so, which I can use (I don't like that word here, because you don't 'use'animals, but you catch my drift) to help people connect to the earth again (Horses do that  you know...). You could say like, a therapeutic mini-thingy with horses.
Also, I love art. I don't mean the art you see in the common musea nowadays. But art as in, photos. Creating another world, showing beauty, fantasies... Making something that is completely up to you. For a long time I have been interested in how some make-up artists can paint models and make something that doesn't exist in this world. Something new, something from your dreams. But I would also like to model more often. Being the one giving expression to your surroundings and the clothes on your body, the paint on your face. I modelled with a professional big shoot for the first time yesterday, and I really enjoyed it, and decided it's something I want to do more often.
Of course there's all the amazing other art forms too, but this form just grabbed me.
Music, I love music. I don't care what happens, but this has always been in my life. I don't care if I'll ever become a 'professional' (what is a professional anyway?). I just want to keep making music, and I can. Unlike other things, there's nothing I have to do to achieve this goal.
Creativity. I want to make things. I don't know what exactly. I want to make clothes, but I don't know what else. I'll see what comes on my path, and I'll see what will inspire me.

Archaeology. I love it. I want to keep on doing it. But I'm unfit to work a normal scheme every day, and to have to listen to others. I'll see how things work out with this one as well...

For the next four years I will be studying archaelogy. And it will be great. It will be my path, it will be what I need to come to my goal. But eventually, I want to make my dreams come true. And I know they will. The next four years will not be a waste, and they will bring me new dreams, insights and possibilities. I will walk my path with pride and happiness, and I shall take every chance I get to get closer to my dreams. And who knows where that will bring me. I can't wait.

So this is my story for now, but I know everyone has one of their own. Remember what you said what they asked you all those years ago: "What you wanted to become when you grow up?" You would dream away about everything you wanted to do. Remember that! And dream like that! See what you want to do, and see no limitations. Because your dreams can take you anywhere. The world will try to hold you back, but that's ok. They will be the dead ends in your maze. But you'll find a way. Here in Mägíç Lând, dreams are reality. And reality is just a fog. In which I am not seen.

Love and freedom
May the fog(gy) faerie.